Hey everyone! So since you most likely have read my first ‘About Me’ blog, and noticed how I said that when I was in Grade 10 I switched over to Duchess school and left the schools in Brooks. Some of you are probably wondering why- others may know why; but I have decided to tell you why I joined the Miss Teen Canada – World pageant!
When I was younger I was always the shyest kid in my class; all the way from kindergarten until about grade 8! I only had a couple friends going through school and so I didn’t interact with people much, all though I never really got into anyone’s way – I was the kid who was always picked on. I was the kid who was always was teased or pushed around or beaten on. For those of you who don’t know, I am a fairly petite girl and I always have been! People always made remarks that I was too scrawny or wasn’t ever eating enough or at a young age people started to tell me I was anorexic and I was unhealthy. When I was that young, I barely understood the term anorexic and exactly what it meant. What was always funny about that situation, my parents always packed me the biggest lunches out of everyone in my class and I used to eat it all and if I didn’t eat it all, I gave it to the kids who had nothing to eat; even though they picked on me. My parents are always the type to give food to anyone who was hungry, didn’t matter who it was; so it killed me to see them hungry, no matter what they did to me!
Grade 6 was the worst year of my life, I was picked on every single day. I was always left out of the group, NO ONE wanted to be my friend; and if they were my “friend” they were just using me for stuff I had or to go places with me. I never had a true friend, not ever. Many days I “faked” I was sick so I didn’t have to go to school, or I would say I missed the bus, or I would just flat out beg my parents to not make me go to school. I was miserable. I was 11 and I was extremely depressed. I told my parents every day that I wish I could just die and I begged them many times that year to let me die and I even tried killing myself. I was in such a deep hole, I thought that there was absolutely no way I was going to get out, no light at the end of the never ending tunnel.
Finally, I made it out. I completed elementary school and moved on with life. That summer everything seemed to get better for me and I made my way out of that tunnel I thought would never end. It was success, or so I thought. I was such a happy girl, until September came around. School started again. In Grade 7, we went to a brand new school which was mentioned in my ‘About Me’ blog. My elementary combined with the other elementary across town, to make one big grade and one big school. Girls were so much worse than in elementary. People talked about me all the time, made fun of me, left me out and even hit me. I will never forget the day another girl had hit me and threw me into the brick wall and then into the locker. She called me stupid and tons of names and as that happened I pushed her back to defend myself. When I went the principals’ office, to tell her what was going on, she was very mad I had defended myself and I was almost expelled because I “hit back” when really I had just pushed her off of me. That’s when I finally came to the conclusion that teachers in the school system do not know how to deal with bullying whatsoever.
After that incident life got better for me, I started dancing with a new studio and made new friends out of school. I remember everyday I hated going to school but I couldn’t wait until after school because I knew I had dance class, where I loved to be and where all my dance friends were. I really enjoyed being there because everyone was friends and no one ever got left out. Finally joy in my life. Things got better for me in Grade 9, I had very minimal problems when it came to bullying. I thought my life was turning around for the better and I couldn’t be happier. I guess I spoke to soon, the worse was yet to come.
I started Grade 10 and I was instantly always scared because in Brooks, you had to beware of the Grade 12’s. I remember always being so scared and telling myself that when I was in Grade 12, I would never ever glare or be mean to someone younger than me. Why put them through the misery of being scared and why put them in the misery that I was in? It just didn’t make sense to me. Two girls who were in Grade 12 were my worst nightmare. They pushed me down stairs, they called me names (names which were 10X worse than in previous years), they threatened to beat me up during school hours, even in class I had a different bully that would put me down and make me feel bad when the teacher was giving a lesson. I had to start leaving school 10 minutes early everyday so that I didn’t pay the consequence of staying late and walking across the parking lot to my mom’s car. Once there was a gathering, and they ended up pouring different substances in my face, and it did really damage areas of my right eye, luckily for me I can see perfectly fine still. The bullying never stopped and more people started to join in on making my life terrible. There was chain message started about me and the threat was that I would be someones friend if they didn’t forward it on to 10 people. This message started 10 houses down from me, I found out about it because my moms’ friend from our hometown in Newfoundland had received it. As time went on, more and more people we know ended up receiving that message. I guess you could say it went viral.
This was the lowest point in my life. I cried for days, I didn’t eat, I didn’t move off of one corner of the couch, I didn’t talk, nothing. Just silent crying. I decided then to go to Duchess school and start fresh, I couldn’t go back to that school and face everyone anyways. Finally everything got better and I made all new friends and I recovered very quickly from what happened, but there was always a scar still there.
My grade 10 year ended very well, and same with grade 11! With the scar I had I realized I hadn’t fully taken control. I had to do something to regain my confidence and show all those bullies that they didn’t win and that I recovered and I could deal with bullying in a positive way. That’s when I decided to apply for the Miss Teen Canada – World pageant. Everything finally has started to change and my life is finally making a turn for the better.
If you are reading this and have been or are being bullied and think it will never end, just have faith. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and you are not stuck, there is always someone to talk to! If you cannot find anyone to talk to, just click on the Facebook link on the right hand side and message me. I would be more than happy to talk and listen to you, I can easily relate and I give very good advice when it comes to bullying! Everyone needs someone, I can be that someone :).